Things Bravo Taught Me About Emotional Intelligence

I recently did a Mind Tools Manager Skills Assessment and scored 100% in Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation. Which is great, though I’m not sure if I should solely credit my day job… or growing  up consuming all things Bravo. Honestly, both might be true.

As a young first-time manager figuring things out in real time, emotional intelligence feels like one of those things you can't fake - especially when navigating different (and difficult) personalities, expectations, and moods …including my own. While I’ve done plenty of formal learning, I also feel like I’ve had a crash course in Emotional Intelligence from the likes of my favourite reality shows; Vanderpump Rules and Real Housewives. 

Because once you get past the glam, the fights, and the chaos… These shows are really just about people trying (and often failing) to communicate. And if you pay attention, there are surprisingly real lessons to take away. Here are a few notes I have taken:

RHONJ - The Table Flip Was Just the Beginning

The most famous moment in Jersey history is obviously Teresa Giudice flipping a table in a restaurant yelling “prostitution whore!” But what comes after that? A long-running family feud between Teresa, her brother Joe, and his wife Melissa that spans a few seasons too many. It’s a cautionary tale of what happens when miscommunication, pride, and hurt go unaddressed for too long. There’s one moment where Joe Gorga tells Teresa, “You never say sorry,” and you can feel years of frustration packed into a sentence. Meanwhile, Teresa, hurt in her own right, shuts down. It’s the emotional standoff of two people who love each other but can’t speak the same language. As a manager, it reminds me that unresolved tension doesn't magically go away with time. Silence isn't always neutrality - sometimes it’s just postponing conflict until it explodes. When something feels off, it’s better to address it early than let it fester into full-blown dysfunction.

RHOBH - Emotional Reactivity Is Not Emotional Intelligence

RHOBH is where apologies go to die. There’s nothing like watching someone deliver an apology that’s 80% self-justification, 15% tears, and 5% actual remorse...Lisa Rina. Speaking of which, that infamous Amsterdam trip where Lisa snaps and throws a wine glass after being pushed too far. What I’ve learned? Bottling things up to keep the peace doesn’t work forever. If you’re never honest, the pressure builds until you explode - usually in a way that’s way worse than if you’d just spoken up early. Professionally, this reminded me that being emotionally intelligent isn’t the same as being emotionally quiet. Avoiding conflict isn’t maturity - it’s avoidance. Sometimes being calm means having the hard conversation before the wine glass flies.

Vanderpump Rules - Scandoval & the Art of Accountability

And I’m saving my absolute favorite reality show for last, Vanderpump Rules. Scandoval was a mess - but a brilliant case study. When Tom Sandoval was caught cheating on Ariana (and probably the rest of his partners), he turned a relationship breakdown into a masterclass on what not to do in conflict.

Rather than take true accountability, he weaponised therapy language, deflected blame, and offered non-apologies that made things worse. It reminded me how dangerous it can be when people appear emotionally intelligent but are actually using that language to manipulate. As a manager,  I am currently learning to recognise the difference between someone who’s performing emotional intelligence and someone who’s genuinely taking ownership. Authenticity matters more than well-rehearsed lines.

Bravo shows are chaotic, dramatic, and often wildly out of touch - but they’re also oddly cathartic. Watching someone else spiral on national television makes me think twice about how I handle conflict in my own life, both personally and professionally.  Emotional intelligence isn’t a flawless performance. It’s a willingness to reflect, to cringe at your own behavior, and maybe, just maybe - choose not to throw the wine next time.